Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Telltale Headache

Since 9DPO it has felt like AF was going to show up any moment. I fully expected her due to the temp drops. However, the next day I got a huge temp increase. Talk about things that mess with my head. I'm now at 11 DPO with another slight temp drop this morning, but not at all near the coverline on my Fertility Friend chart. Over the last three days it has felt like AF was just around the corner. Since she hasn't shown yet, my hopes were going back up, however I have just developed the "telltale headache", the one I get right before AF is due. I know it's not caffeine withdrawal since I had my full mug of coffee this morning. It's a good thing I bought pantyliners yesterday.

On a positive note, if I don't get a BFP this cycle, but I do in Cycle 3, my due date would be around the 4th anniversary of our first date, which is exciting and gives me hope.

Friday, November 28, 2008

I gave in ...

I tested this morning. I have no idea why. My temperature went down again. I feel the telltale signs that my period is on the way. I'm only 9 DPO, which means if I do get my period in the next day, my LP will only be 10 days - that's short and possibly cause for concern. Despite all this, I tested and got the "negative" result that I expected.

I have one more test - I think I may ask DH to hide it for me.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I got my dreams shattered at the $ Tree

I was excited to discover we have several $ Trees in town, including one that's on my way home from work. I decided to stop before going to the grocery store and wandered around until I finally asked where the pee sticks were. They keep them at the front counter.

Still all is well ... until I go to pay and the clerk tells me they only accept Mastercard DEBIT,Visa or Amex. I have a Mastercard CREDIT card ... several actually. I have one Visa checkcard for which I have no idea of the pin number and about 40 cents change if that.

I left empty handed.

This, coupled with the auction for pee sticks on eBay that I did not win, seems like a sign that I should not test this cycle.

If it Happens, it Happens

DH and I met and had our first date in September of 2005. We knew it was something special very early on. We discussed marriage soon after we started dating and officially got engaged in December of 2006. Our wedding was in March of 2008.

Initially during the first couple years of our relationship, we both said we didn't want children. However, with friends of ours having children, especially my best friend having her first child, whom I adore, our feelings began to change. I also turned 30 this year, and it seems like the maternal clock just kicked in and started ticking all at once! I have not been on birth control for a couple years and I have been tracking my periods. My cycle is pretty regular at around 27-28 days.

We began our TTC journey in October of 2008.

It's amazing what you learn when you actively begin the TTC journey. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I thought anytime you had sex, aside from during your period, it could result in pregnancy. Through a pregnancy discussion board, I learned of the website Fertility Friend, and quickly signed up for an account, which included a 20-lesson course called Charting Your Way to Conception. I was surprised to find out how little I really knew about my body and the reproductive process. I had no idea that when the sperm and egg meet, if fertilization occurs, it's still another 7-10 days before the fertilized egg burrows into the uterine lining. I had no idea that some lubricants (including ones that we use) were unfriendly to sperm. I am so glad to have found this information.

I bought prenatal vitamins from Native Sun and a Basal Body Thermometer at Wal-Mart. I stopped drinking beer. I'm still having my morning cup of coffee.

The first cycle was good practice, but I did a terrible job with temping. I was trying to temp at 7 a.m., but I couldn't stay asleep until then - the cats would wake me up, anticipation would wake me up, the overwhelming urge to pee would wake me up, etc. I decided to move my temping time to 6 a.m. Even though my temps were off, I think FF got my O day right since there was a clear thermal shift. According to what I have read, you have the highest chance of conception in the five days leading up to, and the day of O. We had sex on days O-4, O-3, and O-1. We didn't have sex the day of O or the day after (though what I've read says you don't have much of a chance the day after O).

During the first cycle I had many phantom baby symptoms. These are things you notice that you think could mean that you are pregnant - in other words, things that REALLY mess with yor head. For example, I had some nausea, which could have been from the PNVs, but of course, I thought it was b/c I was pregnant. Some days my chest seemed enlarged, some days it was really sore. Of course, all these things could mean I was pregnant, and they could just as easily mean I was not. I decided I was not going to POAS this cycle and wait until AF was late, if in fact this happened. I had some spotting on CD25 and got my period a few days earlier than expected on CD26.

We are now on Cycle #2 and I am 8 DPO. According to my Fertility Friend chart, I ovulated on CD13 during Cycle 1. Perhaps that's true, perhaps not. Since my temping was inconsistent, there's no way to know for sure. But since I O'd on CD13 during the first cycle, I was sure I would O on the same day in Cycle 2. During Cycle 2, I had a pretty bad cold from CD7-CD14. I have a feeling that's why my temperatures were all out of whack. Since I thought I would O during this time, DH and I still had sex, we just didn't kiss in order for me not to pass my cold along to him. (Not kissing seems to have worked because I don't think DH ever caught my cold!) We had a lot of sex on CD9-CD15. I think our timing was good. Fertility Friend thinks I O'd on CD16, though I had a lot of cramping on CD15, so I think that may have been the actual O day. We had sex on my FF confirmed O day, though we didn't "cross the finish line" so to speak. We also had sex on days O-1, O-3, O-4 and O-5. During sex this month we used Pre-seed,which is said to be a "sperm-friendly" lubricant.

During this cycle, I had a temp dip at 4DPO, which is a little early for an "implantation dip" since implantation usually occurs between 7-10 DPO. From days 4-7 DPO, I had a nice temperature rise, however, I was disappointed this morning to see my temperature drop. I've read that one temperature in the grand scheme of things doesn't mean that much, you have to look at the overall picture, but I was anticipating another temperature rise.

I feel like I have been a little more relaxed this cycle, but the idea of getting pregnant honestly consumes my thoughts day and night. Things have been slow at work and I spend a major part of the day reading and participating in discussions on the Getting Pregnant board of The Bump. I haven't been secretive and have talked about TTC with our friends and I feel like I could jinx myself every time I open my mouth or reply to a post on the discussion boards. I know a few girls who have had a hard time getting pregnant and I have nagging feelings that it will happen to me too for some reason or another. Everyone says it can takes a normal healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant. Will that be us? Will it take longer?

On the Bump GP board, girls post their BFNs and BFPs as soon as they test and I wonder if that's too soon to tell "internet strangers". I see girls who post BFPs and then a few days later say they miscarried and it breaks my heart. If we get a BFP, I don't think I will post it right away, but at the same time, I don't think it would be right to come back weeks later and say, "Guess what, I got a BFP, 10 weeks ago, just didn't want to tell anyone yet".

Last cycle my LP was 12 days (on a 26 day cycle). If my LP is 12 days this cycle, I expect my period on CD28, which is 4 days from now. I am resisting POAS until at least 10 DPO. I'm keeping all my crossables crossed that AF doesn't show!
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