One Year Ago

Want to see me on my due date last year?  It was August 11, 2009.  Is it weird that I can't remember how my body felt carrying around 8 pounds of baby, and another ??? pounds of the other stuff that comes along with carrying a baby?

I'm still not grasping the reality that my baby will be one next week.  She's babbling all the time, pulling up on EVERYTHING, even attempting to brush the little tuft of hair that she has.

Mungee was 6 days overdue.  Can we delay her birthday by 6 days?  Or more.  Please and thank you to the birthday gods.

Cancer Sucks

Cancer sucks.

Cancer robbed DH of his mother ... my Mother-in-law ... Mungee's grandmother.

I wish I was able to know her before the ravages of breast and brain cancer took away her ability to speak.

Sometimes I think she recognized us.  She did smile.

I wonder if we would have gone shopping together.

Gotten pedicures.

I wonder what Mungee would have called her.

People always say DH looks just like his dad.

They call him "Little Buzzy".

It's only because they don't see his mom.

I think he looks just like her.

She had such passion for life.

She was a model.  An actress.  A teacher.

A friend.  A sister.  An aunt.

A wife.

A mother.

She was effervescent.

Cancer sucks.

Mungee's First Days - Part 4 - The Conclusion (Days 7-15 and a few other random days)

Sunday, August 23, 2009 – Day 7

 
Today, our visitors included Mungee's Uncle J, Grandma Bebe, and Poppy Buzzy.

We had a pretty rough night last night.  Mungee was so hungry!  I may have gotten an hour or two of sleep total, but I doubt it.  As of 1 p.m. today, Mungee has been asleep most of the day and I have a feeling she will be up all night.

Earlier I was napping and I could hear DH in the den with Mungee.  He asked her "What is your first word going to be?"*  I said to myself "Mommy", just as I heard him say "Mommy?"  So cool to be on the same wavelength.

***

Monday, August 24, 2009 – Day 8
Mungee is one week old!

Today we were visited by DH's cousin and her twin girls, and our friends S & C.

Last night I changed Mungee's pee diaper and as soon as I was finished she decided to poop.**

Mungee seems to really enjoy her Fisher-Price Beautiful Garden bouncer.

We had a better night last night and I actually got a 3-hour stretch of sleep.

I've been pumping every couple hours in order to make sure we have a bottle ready for when Mungee is hungry.  Things also seem to be going better with nursing.

***

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 – Day 9

1st pediatrician appointment at 2:10 p.m.  Mungee weighed in at 8 lb, 9 oz.  Looking good!

At 9:27 a.m., Mungee smiled and laughed in her sleep.

I have made up a new song:

Mommies have boobies

and boobies have milk

and babies LOVE TO DRINK milk!

1:25 p.m. - I was washing dishes and DH brought Mungee to me and said he was not sure if she pooped and held her up to my nose and clearly she HAD pooped.  I said "You did that on purpose!" and he said "Nooo, I would never do that", as he was smiling.***

2:45 p.m. - When we got back from Mungee's pediatrician appointment, it was raining, so we drove around the neighborhood, then pulled into the driveway.  We sat in the car for a few minutes and then DH ran inside to get the umbrella.  When he came back to the car, the rain had stopped and we went inside.  A few moments later it started raining again.  It's like G-d let the rain stop so we could get inside without Mungee getting wet.

Poppy Buzzy visited tonight and gave Mungee a bit of her bottle and then she fell asleep.

We're trying to keep Mungee awake and stimulated so she will sleep better tonight.

People always say they miss being pregnant and I never really knew what they meant until now.  One minute you're inside me where I sense that you're safe and I can take care of you and the next minute you're in the world, outside of my body and completely vulnerable and rely on us to give you all you need.  I hope we can do it.

***

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 – Day 10

Visitors: Grandma Bebe and Great-Grandma Gigi for lunch and The W family brought us lasagna for dinner.

We were eating lunch and my mom (Bebe) asked how often Mungee ate and I said about every hour and she said I was like Chinese food to you (because one is often hungry again an hour after eating it).  DH started suggesting Chinese dishes like Kung Pao, Moo Goo Gai Pan, and Cream of Sum Yung.  I started cracking up and Gigi asked what was so funny and I just said "Oh, DH's facial expressions".

I got DH back today by telling him I wasn't sure if Mungee pooped so he smelled her bottom (she had pooped three times).***

***

Thursday, August 27, 2009 – Day 11

Quiet day today, no visitors.  I spend much of the day creating an input-output tracker and filling in all Mungee's prior info.  Probably not the best use of my time since I meant to leave the house to get some much needed baby items.****

Mungee is ravenously hungry and DH is worried that she is not getting enough milk from me when I breastfeed.  I am only pumping about half the amount I should be.

***

Friday, August 28, 2009 – Day 12

I got out of the house today by myself for a few hours.  I went to Target and Babies 'R Us at the Town Center.  I felt so unfocused and then was exhausted when I got home.  A few minutes later, my friend C came to visit.  Mungee was breastfeeding so I used my cover to stay discreet.

Tomorrow DH and I are going out to dinner.  He made the arrangements and I don't know where we are going.  Bebe is going to babysit.

***

Saturday, August 29, 2009 – Day 13

I got up with Mungee from 5:40 - 10:40 a.m.  Afterward, DH took over and I took a much needed nap.  Buzzy brought us lunch today.  It's date night.  Bebe and Papa J are babysitting.

***

Sunday, August 30, 2009 – Day 14

Uncle S and Aunt L visited Mungee for the first time.  We took lots of pictures and Aunt L fed her a bottle.

We gave Mungee a "sponge bath" today for the first time at home.*****  She was not pleased during, but seemed to be happy afterward.  She got us back that evening by pooping so much that it went up her legs and then peeing on the changing pad and getting it all over her back and head.

***

Monday, August 31, 2009 – Day 15

Mungee is 2 weeks old today and had her two week checkup with Dr. T.  She weighs 9 lb, 5 oz, is 22 3/4 inches, and her head circumference is 14 inches.  Her next appointment is on September 18.  She had a massive poop while at the doctor's office.

After her doctor's appointment, we took her to Rib Shack.  It was her first public outing, aside from the doctor's office.******

I took Mungee out for a walk around the neighborhood in her travel system around 6:45 p.m.

***

Other random tidbits from Mungee's first days:

Saturday, September 5, 2009 - Umbilical stump fell off!

Monday, September 7, 2009 - First tub bath

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Over the last few days, Mungee is really starting to interact with us more.  She has definite periods of "alert active" and she likes us to make faces at her.  She's definitely smiling from time to time and I don't think it's gas because it's after she's pooed.  She can follow our faces with her eyes and she turns her head.  She is holding her head up more and for longer periods of time.

***

These are my current thoughts:

*Her first word was actually burp, pronounced "bup".
**We apparently started the trend early of frequently noting her bodily functions.
***We still do this to each other and find it just as humorous as the first time.

****I wonder what I needed.

*****Ew, seriously, we didn't wash her for two weeks?

******It was also the first place I REALLY felt her kick.

***

View previous recaps of Mungee's first days:

First Days - Part One
First Days - Part Two

First Days - Part Three

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

I've been tempted to participate in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop for a while now, but the creative juices haven't been flowing and I was unable to come up with anything I wouldn't be embarrassed by worthy of posting.

Yesterday, however, I was drawn to this prompt:

2.) Write a poem about a memory you sometimes wish would disappear.

I've certainly got a few memories I wish would vanish into thin air!  Why does it seem like the things we desperately want to forget are the memories that stand out the most?

Okay, go easy on me ...

*********************************************

I'm a recent college grad

I'm moving out, getting my own pad

Needing the last of my things for my new apartment

I return to the house I used to rent

Old roommates were still living there

I walk in and they begin to stare

"What are you doing back?" they say

"What do you mean?  I haven't been here today"

I push past, open my old bedroom door

The place was empty, my possessions no more

Tangible reminders of memories, lost

My clothes, yearbooks, everything, tossed

Claims of ignorance fill my ears

"We don't know what happened here"

These things cannot be replaced

and those I trusted broke my faith

Parts of me I'll never get back

This is a memory I wish I lack

*********************************************

I hate thinking about this.

Mungee's First Days - Part 3 (Days 3, 4, 5 & 6)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009 – Day 3

I was discharged from the hospital today but told I could stay as late as I wanted - as long as we left before midnight, we would not be charged for another day.

Grandma Bebe came with me to visit Mungee at her 2:30 p.m. feeding so DH could take care of getting his new tire, get Mungee on his health insurance and get us checked into the hotel.

Uncle S and Aunt L came to visit.  We met up with them as we left the NICU after Mungee's evening feeding.  I recalled Mungee's birth story to Aunt L.  The details are all still fuzzy - it seems like it all happened so fast even though it was an almost 24 hour process.

I think today is the day I finally took a shower.  It was probably the best shower I have ever had in my life.

***

Thursday, August 20, 2009 – Day 4

Last night we stayed at the hotel next to the hospital so we could be close to Mungee.  We headed to the hospital for Mungee's 11:30 a.m. feeding.  I was able to meet with a wonderful and helpful lactation consultant at the 2:30 p.m. feeding.  Mungee passed her hearing test.  She had to get a car seat test to monitor her heart rate and respiration and once she passed, she was cleared to come home!  

We got home with Mungee sometime around 5 p.m.  Things were a bit rough as Poppy came over without calling while I was feeding and skin-to-skin bonding.  It caught us off guard.  Then Grandma Bebe came over with stuffed cabbage.  Poppy and Bebe were passing Mungee back and forth and I felt like she was being overstimulated.  DH made a comment and Poppy said to lighten up.  I was very upset.  I have moments of being overwhelmed but I am trying hard to learn how to take the best care of Mungee.

***

Friday, August 21, 2009 – Day 5

Today Mungee received a beautiful keepsake blanket from Bebe's friends M & D.  It is plush pink and has her name and birthday embroidered upon it.  It brought tears of joy to my eyes.

Poppy brought us lunch and Bebe brought us homemade lasagna for dinner.  I seem to be ravenously hungry lately - probably so I can keep up with feeding Mungee.  

Mungee had so many poopy diapers today - she is a champ.  In fact, I think she had eight.  I lost count.  She peed on me when I changed one of her diapers.

She had a pretty rough night, unfortunately, and none of us got much sleep.  I think she may have been overly tired or hungry.  We are trying hard to figure out her needs.

This evening, we lit her first Shabbos candle.  Auntie D gave us her candlestick. 

*** 

Saturday, August 22, 2009 – Day 6

Today Mungee was visited by Poppy, GG L, and Poppy's friends C & S.  C & S gave Mungee two fancy pink burp cloths.  Everyone thinks she is so beautiful and they noticed how alert she is.  Yesterday DH and I said she just keeps getting more and more beautiful every day, but today is seems more like every hour!

She's eaten mostly breastmilk today and for that I am so thankful.  It's so much easier on her tiny little tummy.  She's still working on latching on to me and hopefully we will get better at that soon.  I am pumping as much as possible to make sure that she has mommy juice.  DH and I think it is amazing that my body grew her and can now feed her.

I noticed today that Mungee is starting to gain some control over her neck muscles and her head is not as wobbly.  She loves to spend time on our stomachs while resting on our chests.  I think this is helping make her neck stronger.

Around 5 p.m., she gave me the biggest smile and while my brain said she had gas, my heart said that she recognized me and was responding to my voice.

Earlier DH was changing one of her poopy diapers and put some diaper cream on her.  It must have stimulated her and she projectile pooped all over the changing pad and table.  We have to construct a barrier for next time.

This morning we were trying to decide what she was going to wear.  I found a plain long-sleeved onesie but DH asked me to find something else.  I got out an Old Navy pink kimono long-sleeved onesie with pink and brown hearts and DH said "Oh, she is definitely wearing THAT today".

Mungee loves to sleep with her arms up by her ears.  When we swaddle her, we don't wrap up her arms because we know that she likes them free.  She curls up her hands and she looks like she's flexing her muscles.  When she's swaddled, we call her our "burrito girl" or "burrito head".  

Either today or yesterday, I was nursing her on the right side and all of a sudden my left side started rapidly dripping milk!  I yelled to DH to grab a bottle for me to drip into and get the pump.

Around 9 p.m., I nursed Mungee on the left side for about 15 minutes, then put her down because I was going to pump.  Time got away from me and she got fussy, so at 9:25, I started nursing her on the right side.  She was latched on for 30 minutes, suckling from time to time.  She had a poopy diaper and I was trying to ignore the smell so I could keep feeding her.  DH came in the room and immediately scrunched up his face and said "What's that smell?!"  I congratulated Mungee on her first time clearing out a room.

I feel like I have some nerve damage in my arm/wrist because it still feels like I have on my hospital bracelet, which was cut off Thursday afternoon.

Mungee wound up being latched on from that 9:25 feeding for 45 minutes.  That's the longest latch on record.  She must have unlatched because she wanted to get out of the poopy diaper.

Who knew I would be so hungry that I would eat foods I previously detested?  I ate honeydew and didn't even pick tomatoes out of a chicken salad wrap.

***

These are my current thoughts:

My brain must have slowly started working again on Day 6 because I sure did write a lot!

***

View previous recaps of Mungee's first days:

First Days - Part One
First Days - Part Two

Mungee's First Days - Part 2

I apparently have recaps elsewhere aside from the journal I kept for the first week or so after Mungee was born.  I found this saved on my computer:

_____________________________________

Going to NICU:

Mungee wasn't very responsive after being born and had some fluid in her lungs.  They took her to observe, then brought her back to me later that night to nurse, then took her back to the nursery where she had some blue spells and her oxygen stats were dropping so at that point she went back to the NICU for the rest of our stay.  Her white blood cell count was high, so they did preventative antibiotics.  Luckily her blood cultures came back negative for infections.  It was all such a blur those first few days, I honestly am not sure I have all the details correct. 

August 18, 2009 – Day 2

Mungee is a beautiful little thing.  She got a bit stressed by the birth experience so she is currently in the NICU (2nd time).  She has respiratory distress (fluid in the lungs and a partially collapsed lung on the right side).  She was able to feed for a bit last night, but later they took her back to the nursery and her oxygen stats went down and she had some blue spells so she went back to NICU :(  Her white blood cell count is elevated so they are waiting on the rest of her labs to come back to find out if she has a  blood infection.  To be on the safe side, I think they have her on antibiotics.  They are also giving her sugar water to make sure her blood sugar stays at the right level.  She will probably have to stay in the NICU after I am discharged so we may not get to take her home with us :(  My white blood cell count also came back elevated so they had to take more blood from me, though I have not heard the results.

DH visited Mungee not too long ago and they told him I could go in soon to try and feed her.  I can't really walk around by myself right now though so I need to wait for my nurse to take me.  

The lactation consultant thinks it would be best for me to start pumping to get my milk supply going since I'm not getting regular feedings with Mungee.

I would like to be taking some more pain meds soon.  Not sure when I am due for another round.  I am not convinced the first round of meds took, though I do feel a bit loopy ... probably from lack of sleep.

I seem to have hives too.

____________________________________

This is from the journal:

I didn't really get out of bed too much today.  The hospital provided breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I pretty much ate everything (except the sausage at breakfast).  I was required to pee twice before I was allowed to get my IV out of my hand.  My back ached from the epidural numbing shots and catheter spot.  I developed a hive-like rash in places that had come into contact with plastics (band-aid spots, blood pressure cuffs, ID bracelets, contraction & heartrate monitor and epidural tape).

____________________________________

These are my current thoughts:

What makes me really sad about reading the above recaps is that I realize that I barely got to see my child on her second day of life.  I vaguely recall spending the entire day in bed after she was delivered, looped up on pain medicine.  I remember DH brought me the camera to show videos that he took of her in the NICU.  There's no way for me to turn back the clock and do it again any differently, however, so I can't dwell on it with regret.
____________________________________

View previous recaps of Mungee's first days:

First Days - Part One

Mungee's First Days - Part 1

Have I told you about that time I gave birth?

The first days and weeks after Mungee was born were such a blur.  I kept a journal to keep track of the early days, our visitors and my thoughts and feelings in general.  I'm glad I have that journal, as piecemeal as it may be, to remind me of what things were like "back then".

I'll be revisiting the journal soon, as Mungee's first birthday approaches.  I'm sure I'll relive the moments like they were yesterday, even though it's been almost 10 months since Mungee came into this world.  Will I even recognize myself in what I read?  I've come across old emails I sent around the time Mungee was born and they don't even seem like things I would write.

What reminds you of the early days?  Is there a scent or a song that takes you back to a moment you never thought you'd experience again?

Sentimental = Borderline Hoarder?

I know I'm still a few years away from dealing with this problem, but this post on Theta Mom got me thinking about what I'll do with Mungee's masterpieces (ie, handprint Thanksgiving turkeys and macaroni and yarn necklaces) once their volume begins to overtake our 1300-ish square foot home.

Admittedly, I save a lot of ... extraneous memorabilia.  Our fridge is plastered with birth announcements and holiday photo cards, reminders for doctors appointments that have come and gone, a neglected to-do list, etc.  I probably have every card that DH has ever given me.  Heck, I even have cards that I gave him.  I fish them out of the trashcan after he's taken no precautions to disguise the fact that he's thrown them out.  (He should really do that at work, then I'd be none the wiser).  I keep used calendar pages because G-d forbid I forget that I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter in 2001.

So how do you handle this type of "clutter" in your home?

On an unrelated note, don't forget to stop by Take It From Me for Welcome Wednesday.

6 Month Letter

Dear Mungee,

You are 6 months old!  It's hard to fathom that half a year has gone by since you entered this world.

You are sleeping through the night, most nights, from around 8 p.m. to anywhere between 6:30 - 8 a.m.  You still have a hard time settling down for naps in your crib (it's pretty much impossible to get you to nap there) - you would much rather nap on Mama, in your swing or in your carseat.  You're in a much better mood after you take the naps that you need.

You can now sit with assistance for a few minutes at a time.  Sometimes you keep your torso steady, other times you use your hands and arms to keep you stable.

You have more than doubled your birth weight, thanks to Mama's milk for the most part.  You've had rice cereal for a few weeks and you definitely like it, however the last few times you had it, it made you sick :(

I'm not sure about this stuff ...

 

Okay, it's pretty good.

You've been rolling from your back to your stomach for just about a month.  You flopped from your stomach to your back once.  You're doing huge pushups and working really hard to get your knees up under your butt to try and propel yourself forward.  I'm sure it will happen soon.

You visited the playground for your first ride in the swing and went down the slide.

You love to grab your feet and you are so close to getting them in your mouth.

 

You took a class at Gymboree.  You were pretty tired though so you didn't thoroughly enjoy it.  We are going to check out some other baby gyms this month so you can find your favorite.

You recently began saying "Buh buh buh", mostly at the end of a crying spell.  I heard you say "Guh guh" a few times as well.  Daddy thinks it would be really funny if you said "Buh guh".

We celebrated Uncle S's birthday in January and Nanny's birthday in February as well as the 1st birthday of your friends H and J.

 

It's hard to believe you've gone from this ...

... to this

in just six months!

Mommy and Daddy love you with all our hearts and we cannot wait to see what the next six months will bring!

Thanksgiving 2009

This is a bit belated but I wanted to stop to take a moment to recall all the blessings I am thankful for this year.  I often forget to reflect on these things, instead focusing on the Thanksgiving meal, but I know that is not what it is all about.

I am thankful for:

-our precious Mungee, who is growing and changing before our eyes everyday

-the ability to breastfeed Mungee and not giving up when it was too painful

-being able to stay home to raise Mungee

-my strong immune system

-having our immediate family close by so they can share in watching Mungee accomplish exciting milestones

-the love our family and friends show for Mungee

-my midwives and the nurses and staff at the hospital who helped Mungee come into this world and made sure she was healthy and strong

-DH for many reasons:

*giving us a beautiful daughter who he loves more than anything

*working hard to support and provide for us while I stay home with Mungee

*putting up with my "occasional" mental and emotional breakdowns

*the love that he has for our daughter

*never balking at a diaper change

*his humor, imagination and creativity

-being a homeowner, regardless of the fact that our house is bursting at the seams

-coupons that help us save money

-another year with Grammy and Nanny & Grampa

-my brother and new sister-in-law who were married this year

-never going hungry or without basic needs being met

-recognizing that I need to learn to let go of the small things so I don't get overwhelmed

-the Gators' winning season

-the DVR

-finally getting into the habit of flossing (because of it, my dentist says my gums look the best they have in years!)

-the crockpot

-being only a couple inches from buttoning pre-pregnancy jeans

-Chonkers cat (Luna) and the short time we got to spend with The Liger